Confusion......??

Hi. I have not blogged for a while because I have been really ill mentally.
I thought all was going well with the new medication until last sunday at Evensong.
Something snapped in my brain....at least that was what felt happened.
I felt confused and dazed, unable to help myself.
In the run up I had run to Peel at 4.30am and on another morning got Ernie up at 3.30am.
This past week has been confusion, daze and a struggle to survive.
At times I have been unable to make even a cup of tea or dinner.
I have no memory of last Monday despite arranging an appt to see my psychiatrist.
I have phone the Crisis Response Team and got no real help.
I have staggered to the Star Club (Day Centre) on several days for help and company.
It has been a living hell.
Gradually with 3 doctor's appt's my medication has been increased and adjusted.
I have now ditched the sleeping tablet as I think it causes confusion.
Yesterday I went to a new running store and Ernie bought me trainers.
I was fine until I began to get disorientated and a bit confused.
The rest of the day I was asleep and when awake felt in a stupor.
However at 7pm I finally woke up and was fine.
This morning I felt well. My brain was good - no racing thoughts or intrusive thoughts.
Just nice and calm and focussed.
I went to church and managed a minute of simple bellringing.
Then when the others rang a more compliacted method I got confused and dazed.
I found the stimulation of several things happening totally disorientating.
During the church service I was unable to read and sing, got more dazed and eventually nearly fainted. After a brief spell in Ken's office I returned to the Mass but could not concentrate or follow what was going on. After another spell in the office I received communion.
However at home in the peace and quiet I was fine. I felt as if my brain was great but my body could not do what my brain asked it to do. I managed to make dinner, the first time in a week. I then fell asleep and woke feeling great. i decided Evensong was beyond me and got out my trainers. I ran 2.5 miles but my calf muscle is sore again. A week of inactivity and slouching has affected my calf muscle again. I will have to see the physio again. I am annoyed as I wanted to run tomorrow. People said I looked much better this evening. i feel it - I think I have turned a corner.
I see my psychiatrist again tomorrow. I know what tablets doses I want to take now.
I hope I can sleep through all the night tonight.
It is my birthday on Thursday and then we go on holiday to Malta.
Ernie has been wonderful at looking after me this week.
I hope I am completely better for Malta - I am not looking forward to the travelling.
It has been a nightmarish week. Mental illness is awful and disabling.
I have been so exhausted.
A new day tomorrow - let us hope a bright one.
Bye. Bethany.

Happiness!

Hi. It is wonderful having a fiance.
I cannot wait to get married and everything is falling into place.
I am also on a new medication for bipolar mania.
It has rfemoved my intrusive thoughts and running now is a sheer joy.
The only thing is I cannot sleep, but that means more running!
I have run 86 miles so far this week with 2 marathons.
The marathon today was easy. I ran a 9 minute mile at 24 miles to push myself.
I am trying to engage my core muscles when i run and be upright.
I feel really positive about JOGLE now.
I love running and I am getting faster and stronger.
The powerplate sessions are paying off.
I have been discharged by my physio and all is well with my calf muscle.

I was at Sir Norman's funeral on Friday with 700 other people.
I rang on half-muffled bells and Granada and BBC TV crews were present.
It was a lovely celebration of his life.
May he rest in peace.

God bless, Bye, Bethany.

Cheque Presentation

Hi. Well here are 2 cheques I have presented to the Hyperbaric chamber.

The most recent is the £250 from the triple E2E challenge.

I have run 71 miles this week - good but not enough.

Partly scuppered by the weather - got very wet on Friday Night and had to be rescued by Ernie.

The wedding next March is still on and plans are coming together.

We have our wedding photographer now - Rory Coleman!

Everyone is delighted for us.

We fed the benches at church with oil on saturday and all got duly high on it and the ice creams afterwards as thank yous.

Sir Norman's funeral is at the church on Friday and I am in the choir and will have a good seat.

We are ringing the bells half muffled too for it.

I have a busy week coming up.

I am changing my medication on wednesday - I hope the new tablet works as the one at the moment makes no difference.

Bye, Bethany.

Engagement bliss!

Hi. Well today we set a date for our wedding in March 2011.
That is all we have thought about so far.
We want a simple wedding.
I am so happy.

Two nights ago I had restless legs and only slept a few hours.
However a ran a marathon yesterday.
Last night I had excrutiating period pain.
Again I only slept a few hours and was nearly sick a few times.
I am tired today but ran 10 miles with a friend in Ramsey.
It was so good to run with company - makes it alot easier.
I have now run 1600 miles this year so far.
Hopefully I will get 2000 in.

I am going to apply for a job at the Post Office.
i would like to earn some money now.
Bethany.

Engaged to be married!

Hi. Well it is now official.
Ernie and I are engaged to be married next spring.
He has been my rock and soulmate for the past few years.
He is a saint. He waited at the top of Ballakillowey hill for 90 minutes on saturday as I ran up and down the 6 miles. He had food and water for me.
How many friends would do that?!
I popped the question last week and now it is full steam ahead for the wedding date.
My ring is beautiful - a ruby and cubic zirconium which adds the sparkle!
I spent the first hour today looking at wedding dresses.
My Mum is so excited about another family wedding.
Everyone at church yesterday were fantastic.
My finger has not been looked at so much!

So today was back to running - all 26.2 miles of it.
Wall to wall sunshine - it was fantastic.
5 hours18 mins with breaks included.
My 71st marathon to date!

Bethany.

My little Nephew!

Hi. I have not blogged for a week as I have been tired.
I am struggling with SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder.
For those who don't know - SAD affects people in Autumn and Winter.
The light level decreases as the3 days are shorter and darker.
This leaves people tired and depressed as the brain chemicals are not released properly.
I use a SAD lamp in my bedroom in the mornings when I wake up.
I have a dawn simulator - a lamp that comes on during dawn to light my room.
This helps me wake up.
I went to bed last night at 8.30pm and slept 11 hours!
However i woke up refreshed and ran a good 3 miles this morning.
i know i need to run more. I hope to put this into plan next week.

Today and tomorrow I am helping my sister look after our nephew.
He was lovely today.
We tired him out this morning and he slept for an hour on my lap.....ahhh!
We had difficulty getting lunch down him but managed with perseverance.
This afternoon was in the park - he saw 2 tractors today....he loved them!
He then loved my keys as they have a soft car on them.
It took a bit of distraction to get them off him.
We saw the lady upstairs and I walked her little 'min pin' dog.
My nephew loved the dog.....the dog did not love my nephew though!
My brother-in-law turned up to see his happy son enjoying our company.
Why are 2 year olds so lovely!

There is a surprise for everyone in the pipeline this weekend.
Watch this blog - I have some great news to share after i have told my parents on saturday!
Bethany.